Before Hubby and I moved into our current house we lived on a different side of town and attended an awesome Parish. It was extremely diverse and had been shepherded for over 20 years by some amazing priests. We would sit in the pew on Sundays and grin at each other as we listened to the homily. It was like the priest had a listening device in our home because he would be talking about something that matched what was going on in our home. It was truly God reaching out to us.
Since we moved we have faced so many struggles. But the one thing we did was find a parish that we were comfortable worshiping at, was somewhat diverse, and had great programs for the littles. God has been talking to Hubby through the pastor and other priests. He has been truly fed at this parish. Me, not so much. Before anyone jumps in and says that I need to find a new place, let me explain that it has nothing to do with God or the parish. It has everything to do with me. This blog, as the title says, is all about finding the gifts in my life. I need the focus of this blog so that I can find myself again, so that I can center my life around God. He has not moved, I have. I know He is waiting for me to come back. I know He has His arms wide open. But somewhere I fell into the trap that I had to be in total control. There was something else. You know when you have a friend that you have not sat down and talked to in a long time and there is just so much catching up to do? You put off calling your friend until you have time to talk. But then time gets away from you and never get around to calling. Then you feel so embarrassed that you have not called that you avoid it and then that never-ending cycle continues. That is where I am with God. That is how my life got so out of control. That is why I need to find the gifts. I know God is putting them there for me to find. I know He is trying to get my attention. But it has been so long since I have sent a Thank You note that I am ashamed. This estrangement, this separation, does not help when mixed in with all the other stressors that I wrote about yesterday. Nor does it make the very real physical condition of SAD easier to overcome.
So now it is time to find the most direct route back to my Father. The windy road of the last few years has worn me out.
It is time – time to seek, time to confess, time to rest.
It is time from me to find my way home to God.