OK – I have promised that this will be a day when you never know what to expect.
Well, here are 2 “surprises” –
For those of us who have some fond memories of the 80s – well, there are some things that should be left in there…. but they are still fun to laugh about!!!!
This is a surprise welcome to the holiday season –
Have a blessed Thanksgiving. I hope you all have much for which to be thankful!
Today’s quotes obtained from Book of Famous Quotes.
If you have learned how to disagree without being disagreeable, then you have discovered the secrete of getting along — whether it be business, family relations, or life itself.
Bernard Meltzer
When you run into someone who is disagreeable to others, you may be sure he is uncomfortable with himself; the amount of pain we inflict upon others is directly proportional to the amount we feel within us.
Sidney J. Harris
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I understand that many times people do not have the same opinions that I do. I recognize that opinions are difficult to express constructively, especially in writing. Writing often lacks “tone”, which can make words appear to mean one thing when they are actually supposed to convey a totally different meaning. I spend a lot of time reading and re-reading posts on several of the blogs I follow, just to make sure that I am not misunderstanding what people are saying. I then hesitate, many times, to make comments, for fear that what I am trying to convey will be lost or misinterpreted.
This month is “National Adoption Awareness Month”. As I understand it, the month was originally set aside to make the public aware of the many children whose first parents’ rights have been terminated and are in need of a stable, permanent family life. It has now taken on a life of its own and is used to advocate and glorify all adoption. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that adoption can be a wonderful thing. It can be a blessing for everyone involved. That is not saying that adoption is not painful. It is. It is based on loss. The loss of the very first relationship a human knows – the mother/child relationship. Sometimes it is also created through the loss caused by infertility on the part of the adoptive parents. For every family affected by adoption there is a different story.
Many of the blogs that I read are adoption related. I read them for support – to hear that other people are going through some of the same things that I am going through. I read them for education – how other families are coping with certain issues, how adult adoptees feel, how first mothers feel. I read them just for the joy of reading about children. But this month makes me tired. This seems to be the month where everyone weighs in with their opinion of adoption. But they don’t just weigh in, they attack. They attack like bullies on the school playground. Their very important messages get lost in the dust of name calling, accusations, and prejudices. I have found even the most even toned blogs become rancid during this month. It is not that I don’t think each person is entitled to their opinion. It is how that opinion is presented. These opinions do not foster dialogue, they do not provoke thought. In fact, the people who write don’t even have the common decency to own their own opinions. They state their opinions as fact. And while the writers have knowledge about their personal stories, they don’t have any knowledge of my story, or of my daughters’ stories. Yet they appear to feel they have the right to speak for or make judgments on everyone. And for that reason, I pity them. I used to try to understand. But I can’t even do that anymore. I pity them that they seem to carry so much pain that they can’t see anything else but their hurt. I pity them that they present themselves as having been so stunted in their emotional growth that they can’t begin to constructively work towards change. So many of them scream and drown each other out, they don’t or can’t hear the whispers of those who want to create lasting change in the adoption system.
So here are my guidelines for blogging – they are the same rules my husband and I have used for 20 years to communicate.
In this world of “rights” and “freedom of speech” it seems our society has forgotten how to be nice and play fair. We have become a group of people who believe our individual rights take precedence over that of anyone else. We no longer look for the common good. What I see are people saying or doing “something for the good of others” as an excuse to say or do hurtful things. What would happen if everyone took a minute and thought about what they would feel if what they wrote was directed back at themselves? Somehow I think the blogosphere might be a little kinder, with a lot less garbage floating around in it.
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OK –
I have decided to add some structure to my blog, thus also to my life.
I am going to have a schedule of topics each week. Those will be the meat and potatoes of the blog, but I will also add some spontaneous posts as things occur or if I need to vent or toot my own horn.
So here is the schedule. It may be tweaked as time goes on, but I think it covers a lot of what I need to contemplate in my life.
Motivation Monday –
Mondays I will offer up a quote/reflection/Scripture verse/etc as well as my own reflection on it. It may be be totally random, or it may be something that I need to address that week. But it will always be thought-provoking and motivational.
Trashy Tuesday –
This is the day that I will talk about decluttering. I will link up with articles that I have found helpful. I will also talk about what my current decluttering project is and the progress I am making.
Wacky Wednesday –
Wednesdays are going to be a “surprise”. I may go more in-depth about something I am already talking about on another day. I may post a “funny” about something. I may post a recipe that I found. But you never quite know what I am going to writing about until you open the post!
Thoughtful Thursday –
Thursdays are my day to explore what has made me into the person that I am today. It will be self-reflective. I will also explore ways to grow. I hope to learn a lot about myself, but I also hope that other people will share in the comments and feel like they were able to learn more about themselves. Of course, I may be just so weird that no one can relate to me, too!
Family Friday –
Fridays are going to be all about family life. I will evaluate how my own family is doing and look for ways to make my family grow closer. I may post craft sites for kids, games that we love, plans for the weekend, goals for my family, or anything else that relates to the relationships within my family.
I am setting up a poll. While this blog is about making myself accountable for changing my perspective, and it is about using that perspective change to find the gifts in my life, I also want to keep it stimulating enough that readers will keep coming back. Please fill out the poll and also let me know your thoughts in the comment section.
I know, I know. You are seriously wondering what noise has to do with decluttering. Well, to be perfectly honest, I have found it have a lot to do with it.
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Have you ever noticed how you work more efficiently with a clean desk? OK – don’t laugh. I know it took me a long time to figure this out, but I did learn my lesson. Well, what about a clean mind. If my head is so full of noise and constant sensory input, I find it very difficult to focus on my priorities.
The first thing I would challenge you to do is to turn off the radio, the I-Pod, the TV – anything that is making noise. Listen to the quiet for a moment. How many people think they will go crazy if they don’t have some sort of noisy input at all times? I did for a long time. How many people are actually comfortable with their own thoughts? I wasn’t. But now I have found that the more I experience quiet, the more I am able to think and get to know myself better, which leads me to crave more quiet time.
I used to crave sound. The TV would come on as soon as we entered the house. In the car, the music was playing constantly. But one day I got busy and forgot to turn it on. Before long I was making a list of things that I wanted to get done. Then I was actually working on that list because I was focused on what I was doing. All that space the noise was taking up in my brain was clear, allowing me to think clearly (No remarks about there being such a small amount of brain that music would fill it up!).
So let’s go back. Turn off all the sound making equipment around you. What do you hear? I like to take a few moments and just close my eyes and breathe (more on that in a later post) and relax. Before long I hear all the house sounds around me (I can find the leaky faucet and put it on my honey-do-list, I know when the temperature is rising outside because of the sounds the house makes), I start to recognize the sounds outside the house (the leaves rustling, the birds singing, which neighbor is coming and going based on the sound of the vehicle). Then I start to turn inward and hear myself – my breathing, my heartbeat, my emotions. That is when I start to be productive. This is when I can calm myself and pray, or fly through that to-do list, or just be.
Now when I pick out music during the day I tend to choose instrumental pieces – music that does not require me to think about it. Music that inspires emotion without forcing it on me with words and booming bass. Music that allows me to interpret it instead of spoon-feeding me. Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I crank up the music and sing and dance around the house – and yes the windows and blinds are closed! But I no longer use it to hide from all the other clutter in my life. Ensuring that I get at least a few minutes of quiet time each day allows me to discover more about myself. It helps me get rid of all the clutter in my brain so that I can prioritize and organize and enjoy all the other important things in my life.
So here is my challenge to you – find a few minutes and turn off all the artificial noise around you. Are you comfortable spending quiet time with yourself?
Well, I survived last week. For me, that is gift enough. It was a long week –
3 TaeKwonDo sessions, one of which was a graduation for Hubby and my oldest – they got their green belt. 1 surgery on hubby’s elbow. I guess I was much more worried about it than I admitted to myself, because when it was all over it took me a couple of days to “recover”. 1 recovering hubby, who is not that pleasant when he does not feel good. A 6 hour training session for a program that I will be facilitating at my church (more to come about that later). I needed to find care for my girls during that training so hubby did not have to have total responsibility for them (thank goodness for Mrs. Sports who took my girls for the day!). 1 dinner with my cousins. They are always able to make my day brighter! Then today at church I got to see “my” baby boy and his big brother. They both always make me smile. Not only that, I was asked to watch them Tuesday evening! So I get baby time and my girls get a playmate for a couple of hours!
So – what did I pull out of this chaos of a week? A LOT of blessings –
1) My parents who watched the girls while hubby was in surgery
2) My girls have been wonderful this week – helping out and fussing over their daddy. (that is not to say they did not have their moments, but their good moments by far overshadowed their bad!)
3) Hubby’s surgery was successful, they found exactly what they expected, and recovery has been relatively smooth so far.
4) My oldest was publicly praised by her TKD instructor during graduation
5) I stepped out of my comfort zone to accept the challenge of facilitating this program at church and attended the training without knowing anyone else that was attending, and ended up making a couple of new friends.
6) The sure knowledge that we are slowly but surely building a supportive group of friends at church.
7) BABY SNUGGLES!!!!!!!!
8) Priority focus – I will talk more about that this week, but I was so glad for it, even if it was provoked by fear.
9) The ability to pay the mortgage for another month.
10) The realization that I sincerely missed blogging, even if there are only about 5 people who read my meager writing! Those people cheer me on and keep me accountable and focused.
So I am ready to hit this next week and the beginning of the holiday season with joy and hope. Even the winter blues are not scaring me right now!
Life IS good!
Hi everyone – all 5 of you who read this blog.
I wanted to let you know that I will not be blogging for a couple of days. Hubby is having surgery tomorrow and I will be busy taking care of him and the girls. I will post back as soon as possible. I am hoping to have a posting schedule worked out by that time so that I can be more consistent and intentional in my postings. Intentional is one of my favorite words recently, but I think that may deserve a post all its own!
So I will see you all on the flip side – hopefully only a couple of days from now!
I am going to relate this story because I thought it was hilarious, even though there was a bit of a sting to it. But because I can see some of the changes my journey has made in my life and in my health, the sting was not as bad as it would have been just a month ago. And when it comes from a 6-year-old, well, they call ’em as the see ’em.
We were watching a show called “Deadliest Journeys”. This particular episode was about Bolivia. They discuss how farmers in the mountains use a series of zip wires to get across the deep valleys. Honestly, they don’t look that safe. In one scene they show a man bundling his child up in “bag”, tying the bag to the pulley and then straddling the bag (not sitting on it, but keeping it between his legs), hooking himself to the pulley and off they go across the wire. My youngest was NOT impressed. In fact she was quite indignant about the whole thing. She immediately recognized the potential danger to the child. My thoughts were going in a direction about how dangerous a lot of things are in different cultures, but you do what you have to do. Then a remark caught my attention. She was informing me that we could never do that. Curiosity won and I asked her why. In all her childish innocence she informs me that we could not do that together because I was “too big” and would break the wire. She just looked at me with her big brown eyes. Then she goes on to talk about how the people who use those zip lines are much smaller than I am. Since they are from Bolivia’s mountain ranges and the tallest one looked maybe 5’5″, I am choosing to believe that she meant because I am so tall. That’s my story and I am sticking to it!
Image by khalid almasoud via Flickr
I really wish this post was about how wonderfully fit I have become and how flexible and strong I now am. Unfortunately, that is not the topic. Today I am writing about life flexibility.
We live in a 2 story house. The top of the stairs open into a loft area which acts as our playroom. My office door leads directly out into that loft. I often finish up my work day after the girls are home from school and my youngest is occupying herself with her dolls. I have been privy to doll conversations and serenades of Selena Gomez songs. Tonight I am sitting in here listening to both of my girls and the little girl from across the street who is here for a sleep over.
This afternoon as I finished up work I had no idea that Dove would be riding to Brownies with us. Her mom sent me a text asking if I would mind. I did not mind at all – I was honored that she would trust her daughter with me. During some free-time during the meeting my oldest and Dove came up to me arm in arm and asked if they could have a sleep over – at our house. My immediate response was “sure”. Phone calls to Mr and Mrs Bird were made and arrangements were finalized. Driving home, listening to them alternately whisper to each other and belt out “Morning Report” I contemplated how my evening went from minimal plans to an extra person sleeping over.
I thought back to my childhood. Sleep overs were not something that I ever really did. I honestly did not have very many friends until I was in 4th grade. I am not sure I had even been to a sleep over at someone’s house that was not a relative until I was in 5th grade. I never felt that I could just ask someone to come over at the drop of a hat. I am not sure if that was my personal insecurity or if I was picking up something from my parents. Either way, doing something spontaneous like that was not something that seemed welcome in my family. In my parents’ defense, my father worked shift work since he was a police officer – so our family time was governed by his schedule. It was not like he had every evening off, so we made the most of the ones he did have off by spending the time together. It was precious. But I learned something that I don’t think my parents intended for me to learn. Family time was not to be intruded upon by “outsiders”. If they were not from the family (I have a massively large extended family), they were not to be relied on. As an only kid, that made for some lonely times because I did not develop a strong social network until I was much older. That leads to the question is my social awkwardness and shyness a result of not having lots of social interaction as a child, or did I not have those interactions because I was socially awkward and shy? But I digress – that is a topic best left for another day. I did not perceive my parents as being very flexible, able to roll with the punches of a changing schedule. Maybe they had enough of a changing schedule with dad’s work. Maybe it was just how they were. (I will say that they are MUCH more flexible now that I ever remember as a child!)
But that leads me to the person I am today and the person I am trying to become. The interesting part of becoming more comfortable with myself and establishing more routines and organization is that I feel freer to deviate from those very routines. I find that I am more flexible because I am willing to embrace the moment. Embracing simplicity in my life is allowing me to concentrate on other things. I am not as encumbered with all the things that are not getting done. I am not drowning in and being overwhelmed by all the undone things around the house. Dove does not care that the floors are not mopped, that the carpets were not vacuumed this afternoon, or that I don’t have a gourmet breakfast planned. My girls are not paralyzed by what Dove thinks of our house. They just enjoy being together. And I am so happy to be able to give them that time.
Image by jstownsley via Flickr
So tonight I am smiling as I listen to the girls giggling right outside my door. When I post this I will go make sure they are tucked into their sleeping bags and encourage them to go to sleep, knowing full well that it will take a long time for the whispers and giggles to quiet into the deep breathing of slumber. I am so thankful that I have been given this moment in time. I am grateful that I have learned to be flexible and embrace the special moments when they come. I am grateful that I have chosen to set out on this journey of discovery – about myself and about the perfect gifts that can be found along the way.
Before Hubby and I moved into our current house we lived on a different side of town and attended an awesome Parish. It was extremely diverse and had been shepherded for over 20 years by some amazing priests. We would sit in the pew on Sundays and grin at each other as we listened to the homily. It was like the priest had a listening device in our home because he would be talking about something that matched what was going on in our home. It was truly God reaching out to us.
Since we moved we have faced so many struggles. But the one thing we did was find a parish that we were comfortable worshiping at, was somewhat diverse, and had great programs for the littles. God has been talking to Hubby through the pastor and other priests. He has been truly fed at this parish. Me, not so much. Before anyone jumps in and says that I need to find a new place, let me explain that it has nothing to do with God or the parish. It has everything to do with me. This blog, as the title says, is all about finding the gifts in my life. I need the focus of this blog so that I can find myself again, so that I can center my life around God. He has not moved, I have. I know He is waiting for me to come back. I know He has His arms wide open. But somewhere I fell into the trap that I had to be in total control. There was something else. You know when you have a friend that you have not sat down and talked to in a long time and there is just so much catching up to do? You put off calling your friend until you have time to talk. But then time gets away from you and never get around to calling. Then you feel so embarrassed that you have not called that you avoid it and then that never-ending cycle continues. That is where I am with God. That is how my life got so out of control. That is why I need to find the gifts. I know God is putting them there for me to find. I know He is trying to get my attention. But it has been so long since I have sent a Thank You note that I am ashamed. This estrangement, this separation, does not help when mixed in with all the other stressors that I wrote about yesterday. Nor does it make the very real physical condition of SAD easier to overcome.
So now it is time to find the most direct route back to my Father. The windy road of the last few years has worn me out.
It is time – time to seek, time to confess, time to rest.
It is time from me to find my way home to God.
Ellen at fatgirlwearingthin wrote a post the other day that really struck a chord with me. She was talking about gearing up for winter. Winter is not my favorite time of the year. Even though I love the holidays with the family gatherings, the food, the music, the lights, the traditions, the advent wreath, the wonderful Christmas Eve Mass, I DON’T like winter. Where I live we basically live under gun-metal gray skies from November until late March. Those are not pretty months for me.
We have had awesomely sunny weather recently. Very, very unusual for this time of year. I am really, really thankful for it. But I have just been off kilter for the last week. It is just a sense of constant unease – like things are about fly apart. I can’t explain it very well. But as soon as read her post I understood where a lot of my feelings were coming from. Here is the comment I left on her post:
I have been really bummed this week, Ellen. I have been trying and trying to figure out why. I had a terrific weekend. I have had a good week so far. But emotionally I am just really off track. It is like you have been in my head, rooting around for the cause. It is the time change and the change in weather. It is still sunny, but I know what is coming. I know how horribly depressed I can get. I have my light on my desk (which is visible on clean desk photo). My desk is situated so that I am exposed to whatever sun there is all day long. I am now pretty much in the habit of getting up and taking a shower each morning. I am doing better about eating (though I still have a huge way to go). While I was at my parent’s house I found my goal picture. It is a picture that was taken the year hubby and I met. I was at the weight where I felt my best. I loved how I looked, and I would like to get back there. So I am trying to figure out where I need to post it. Hubby and I are trying to figure out how to divide time so that I have the opportunity to work out. We are working on meal plans. I am making all the right changes. But I am still really in the doldrums. I think it is truly fear. Fear of the darkness that I know is coming. Fear of falling into that hole of depression that can suck me down so far. And anger that I have to be on medication for SAD which is one of 2 major roadblocks in adopting one more child from China. That anger is then turned back on myself and I fall deeper into that hole.
As a result of that comment she and I have been shooting e-mails back and forth. Through writing her I have been able to clarify my feeling more and to recognize a lot of the stressors that I am currently experiencing. I find it amazing how the simple act of writing something down can be so therapeutic. So for today I am going to recognize a couple of gifts –
1 – my new friend, Ellen. I hope someday to meet her in real life.
2 – the desire to and miracle of writing. It has been my companion, my friend, my confidant.
3 – that after every winter there is a spring. It may take a while, but it will happen, and it will be beautiful!
Seeking the Gift of the Moment 